Ohmigosh, Hi!

Internets, I have become that person that is terrible about staying in touch. You know, the one you see on the street every once in a blue moon who you did a show with who never, ever follows through on plans or calls when they say they will? They spend the first and last 2 minutes of the conversation saying "I'm the worst friend ever!" and "No, seriously, let's do a monthly lunch. I'll call you at 2:54 pm on Tuesday. I'm so bad, really!" instead of just owning and reveling their own flake-i-tude.

I will not embarrass myself by apologizing any more - I think we know how lame I am.

A series of things have happened that have been utterly terrifying this week on a variety of levels.

• I'm not sure which was more traumatizing, the stirrup pants I saw at Express (which at least they have the decency not to have on their website) or the wall of Beef Jerky* that greeted me as I turned the corner at the local Duane Reade (a drug store...cause who knows when you'll be trapped underground for an indeterminate amount of time without food. Better have that jerky in your bag!).
• My therapist apparently didn't have me on the books Wednesday because we crossed wires about our new schedule. This is the first time this has happened in the mumble years I've been seeing her. I full on thought she was dead. If you ever think you don't have abandonment issues, try that scenario on for size. A ridiculous combination of I-hope-she's-okay and what-am-I-gonna-effing-do-if-she's-NOT-okay! went on. Awesome.
• I realized I have 3 weeks before I leave for summer stock to get off book on 2 plays and get my entire apartment/life together.
• I've misspelled about 6 words in this post that I never knew I spelled wrong: misspelled was actually one, reveling, and embarrass. Oh, the irony.
  

*[First off, let it be known I love beef jerky. In doing a search for a beef jerky link, I found BeefJerky.com, the best page is the Customer Testimonials page. It's what happens at 4:15 am. Below is one of the scintillating stories contained on said page.

From: Dave
Date: Wed, 14 Jul 2004

Me and my friend Michelle at work have been talking alot about jerky. Then we tried your jerky. And we love it. She wanted to find something low carb to snack on. I said, 'Have you tried Jerky?" She said, "Yeah, I love jerky." Well then try beefjerky.com jerky.

Now we both love your jerky. Thanks so much for the jerky.

Dave and Michelle
New York, NY

I can't imagine what other fascinate conversations these two have over the cubicle wall. I dare you to used the word 'jerky' today as much as possible.]

Seriously, I'm the worst ever. I'll post soon!

Love, me

Blogs and Kisses!

Brits continue to kick our asses.

Tracey Ullman is one of my personal heroes. If you didn't catch her new slot on Showtime, State of the Union...tivo that mofo right now.

Like most of her work, it's her doing different characters, not sketches with other people. She's an amazing actor, mimic, and social commentator who is remarkably unafraid to look atrocious.

Highlights from this pilot include a white house correspondent who delivers the news in such a terrifying way that her anchor and entire crew start yelling out of fear, an African-American airport security worker who uses her x-ray machine to diagnose people who don't have medical insurance, Lindsay Lohan's mom, Renee Zellweger, a soldier mom on a 3-hour furlough from Iraq to see her son, and David Beckham (although she looks remarkably like Harvey Keitel in it, awesome).

The hands down best, however, are the Arianna Huffington scenes where she is first trying to decide what to wear to the Blog Awards, and then her acceptance speech at said event. She uses the word 'blog' indiscriminately. "Oh! They're telling me to blog it up." "Blogs and kisses!" Effing brilliant.

Don't miss it!

Pay attention much?

I pride myself on being observant. Or, at least, I did until now.

really?

So I overheard a yoga teacher talking to a student:

"Yeah, so I'm doing the dating thing," the teacher said.
"How's that going?"
"Well, they all seem to be philistines. That or I stop being interested as soon as they take their shirt off..."

Just in case you thought your guru wasn't a shallow mofo...wow.

Habitat for Humanity

Okay, we've already discussed my love for Jimmy Carter (and his love for my mother...well, both my parents).

Here's the scoop - until April 3rd, every donation made to Habitat for Humanity will be matched up to 3 million dollars (so if you give more than 3 million, they aren't ponying up, cheap bastards!). Go here and give. Please, even $5 will make a tremendous difference.

I know The Recession is freaking everyone out and our instinct is to hold onto money (unless you're of my tribe and feel compelled to make a ton of inane purchases to prove you have a disposable income). The first thing that seems to go by the wayside is donating to charity. If you think you're being affected by the economics of this country, think of the way it's trickling down.

The wearing of the green

I don't think I have an ounce of Irish in me...well, maybe my liver...but I loves me some St. Paddy's Day! One for one water for beer, people. One for one.

There's apparently an Irish pub here in Manhattan that has banned this song for the entire month. It's just too damn sad.

Here's a lighter version:

LJ

Right, so, first of all...Lipstick Jungle. I'm watching this show partially because it's shot in NYC and I auditioned for a part I didn't book...but it's actually kind of fun. A couple of things, though: 1)since when do we have previews for the next segment of the show during a commercial break ("Next, on Lipstick Jungle..."). WTF? Is the show that boring that I can't wait 2 minutes to stay hooked. Yeesh. 2)Have you seen the Candace Bushnell (writer of Sex And The City and this show) spots talking about the different characters and their motivations/style choices? Does she not sound coked out?! Maybe this is just an -ism of hers but she is almost unintelligible and looks like H-E-double-hockey-sticks. Bleh.

Second...I don't have a second. Sorry.